Most irritating shopping trip ever

My daughter requested cottage cheese this morning to go with the jar of home-canned apple butter we made from apples that originated in local orchards.

Target does not carry the cottage cheese I like. Few stores do. My favorite is Lite and Lively large curd cottage cheese and I cannot tolerate the small curd stuff.

I had a coupon for free eggs and $3/0ff a $30 purchase at Giant. I brought my daughter to the doctor for her ear check up (where the little dear requested a flu shot!) and then drove her to school late. By that point, I had to go to the bathroom. But, being a mom, I opted to neglect my own needs because the school is half way to Giant. After all, I was buying $30 worth of stuff. The whole trip should take 20 minutes.

Wrong.

My mother-in-law calls as I finish parking the car. Nine minutes later, I head in...

First off, understand that I have a love-hate relationship with grocery stores. I adore them. I relish the possibility inherent in each food I pass, but I hate budgets, crowds and time constraints. My stepmother hates grocery shopping, but she has the luxury of going in, buying whatever she wants to eat or whatever she needs and leaving. She doesn't tally the cost in her head, or compare prices to other stores. She just buys.

One of my dreams in life is to walk into a grocery store, buy whatever I want and walk out (without worrying about how to pay the mortgage).

But today is not that today. Today I have to spend $30, and to do that I must use my Visa. And I can't buy frozen food because the freezer is full.

I start in produce:
- organic carrots, the real kind not baby, 1 pound, 99 cents.
- personal watermelon, $3
- bananas (5) at 59 cents a pound, $1.11

Okay, so that watermelon is probably grown in some third world country, bathed in pesticides and carried to the truck by some starving 15-year-old with no shoes... buy hey, I'm an American with a kid who loves watermelon.

And here's my beef with the bananas. At Target, we sell bananas for 24 cents each. Sometimes they go on sale for 17-19 cents. But 24 cents is normal. And my oh my how the customers, the "guests," complain. Now, the same bananas at Target would have cost 14 cents more. For 5. Yet making them pay by the banana freaks them out...

Next, I head to the natural foods department. All I buy is
- Spinach nuggets, $3.99

Next the bakery. Many items are still warm. They claim they have "crusty bâtards" so briefly I get really excited. I almost wet myself I was so excited, but then again, remember my original statement that I already had to use the restroom? Well, the bâtards were not crusty. The baguettes were almost crusty enough to meet my standards.
- one baguette, $2.29

I walk by a clearance rack of baked goods that includes peanut butter brownies.
-brownies, $2.49

To the dairy... I have almost forgotten why I'm in this store when I remember. I grab my free eggs and notice they don't carry my cottage cheese. I go over every container and find ONE with large curds. Sixteen different levels of non-fat and low-fat but no variety on the curds. Cottage cheese with fruit, cottage cheese in small containers, but only one large curd.
- large curd cottage cheese $2.69

Okay, now the milk. They recently remodeled the store so of course nothing is where I remember it being. I find the milk and quickly discover they keep half and half, cream and creamer separate from the milk. I recently opted to switch from half and half to farm fresh raw milk, figuring it's healthier. But I can't do it. I vacillate between half and half, organic half and half and light cream.
- 2 pints light cream, $1.49 each

But this is not $30. So somehow I end up in the freezer aisle, trying to cut toward the registers, and I notice: spinach artichoke dip. Now it's a cold rainy winter day and I have this baguette in the cart.
- spinarch artichoke dip, two boxes, on sale two for $5

Now I'm still not at $30, so I pick up four two-pound boxes of baking soda.
- two pound boxes of baking soda, four at 89 cents each

And now it's close, but to be sure, I head into the spice row to get a new garlic pepper spice grinder. McCormick grinders are on sale! Two for $4! I get four: two garlic pepper (product of France!), one four color peppercorn, and one italian herb seasoning.
- herb grinders, four at two for $4

I get in this short line, and it turns out to be the cashier who is slower than molasses. I wait.And wait. And wait. FINALLY I get there. I hand her my coupons, my bonus card, and as she scans my card I swipe my visa.

She can't get my card to scan. And I want my bonus buys. This is why I'm so glad Target doesn't have cards. The RedCard gives a discount and allows them to track consumer habits, but it's a form of payment no a before-your-transaction thing. Love it.

Someone has to help her, but it takes her ten minutes to give up. Then she asks for help.

She can't ring up the brownies.

She cancels my credit card.

She forgets my coupons.

I'm ready to pee my pants.

FINALLY,  we get a total $33.10.

And the bagger double bagged my little round watermelon. That struck me as a tad odd.

And for the record, some of their prices were ridiculously high. Target is cheaper. And Giant doesn't carry Noosa.